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Things have been ... difficult? Crap?
Okay, maybe "crap" is a stretch, but still.
I had to take my cat to the vet on Saturday, on Sunday I got a call to say my dog was life-or-death levels of sick. We rushed her to the vet and got her the medication she needed, and she's okay now, but still - heck.
I've got a terrible cold and I lost my voice, I seem to have a sinus infection, the vet bungled the vaccinations I needed done today, and it's just all a mess.

I've been to the vet 4 times in the last week, and I have another appointment for tomorrow. I also have to go to a different vet to pick up some medications.

See what I mean? Crap.

But I've got other things happening that are good - I've been approved for important passes and I've got the cats booked on their flights. Those are very good things indeed.

Something extremely good happened today, and as a result, plans are being solidly made. I'm in prepping-mode. I'm so frigging excited. More excited than I can express.

I'm excited. Not even nervous - excited. So excited.

I have had such a busy evening. I discovered something pleasant and encouraging, so I've been working on that all night (since at least 4-5pm, it's now almost 1am). I've had exceedingly little sleep, but it's not as bad as I thought it'd be.
I have a cold, but it's not as bad as I thought it'd be.
I'm anxious about something, but not experiencing full anxiety meltdowns just yet. Positive coping mechanisms and a good supportive base around me - I am not catastrophising, yet. The thoughts are certainly there, but I'm making a very strong-willed attempt to ignore the thoughts.

I've been cold for hours and unable to understand why... I've got windows open. It's winter here. Lordy lordy...

I saw my remaining family over the weekend and it was nice. I always cherish seeing them, spending time with them, especially after there was a bit of a crisis two weeks ago.
I am so bright and cheerful over things.

One of my favourite parts of the last few years has been the establishment of wholesome, meaningful friendships.
Some of us don't talk for months and months, but when we do, it's like there was never a lapse, and there's no hard feelings over the lapses. With others, it's wholesome foundations, building each other brick by brick, encouraging and positive, based on mutual respect and trust.

I love it.
I'm in a much better place with my relationships with other people. I've had some bad encounters (haven't we all?), and it was not pleasant to go through, but it helped me identify the lines I won't cross, my cut-off point, and my standards for friends, which are important in healthy relationships.
For the longest time I felt like I 'owed' everyone around me.
I felt like I owed people my time, no matter how much they hurt me.
I felt like I owed people my forgiveness, for anything and everything they did.
I felt like I owed people some sense of... meek, obeying subjugation, where I had to appease them, I had to accept what they did to me.
I felt like I owed them myself - like I HAD TO retain contact just to make them happy, even when they continued to show that they were no good for me.

It took me a long time to stop being a "fixer". It took me a long while to stop being the "mom friend", the person that others turn to for advice and consolation, the friend that just gets ranted at, all day, every day. It took me a while to go "I understand and empathise, but I am not in a good place myself and cannot give you advice". I felt like I had to be there for everyone, I felt like I was trying to be a "my door's always open" friend for everyone, and it burnt me out terribly. Even worse - was when people got offended that I couldn't be there for them anymore, and got nasty.
- it took me a long time to recognise toxic friendships, and then even longer still to work out how to handle the situation.

I feel like I'm in a good place, and I'm glad for it. Setting boundaries and maintaining them over the years has helped so much in self-growth... and self-worth. It took me many, many years to realise I'm WORTH the enforcement of my boundaries, and that those who don't respect them shouldn't have a place in my life.

COMMENTS

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BloodAndStilettos
07:17 Aug 12 2018

👍

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Slain
14:26 Aug 13 2018

You have a great way of putting into words what my utter impatience and seeting anger have boiled down to, " because fuck you, that's why."

It is absolutely true that those who do not respect your boundaries have no place in your life. It's a fantastic feeling where you placing said boundaries makes those unworthy of your time eliminate themselves from your life. It shows just how much you truly mattered to them from day one. At least their final act was and will always be a mercy and kindness unto you for saving you the suffering of their selfishness and indecency.

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Owlish
12:58 Aug 14 2018

Oooh, yes. If someone doesn't respect that you're putting up boundaries, then they likely didn't ever have respect for you. If someone can't handle you trying to do something good for yourself, then they ain't good for you.

So when they ask why, it does boil down to "because fuck you, that's why."

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